AE I wasn't

45 Times
May 29, 2025
Materials: Art Panel, b+w photo print, gouache, acrylic gel medium

Original + Print available

Original is A4 size: 210 mm x 297 mm / 8.3 in x 11.7 in

Print is A3 size: 297 mm x 420 mm / 29.7 cm x 42 cm / 11.7 in x 16.5 in

Two Print options are available:

$35
Coated Matte paper
Printed in Lewes, UK
300 gsm
Archival 4-color ink
Signed

$45
Coated Photographic Satin paper
Printed in Lewes, UK
300 gsm
Archival 4-color ink
Giclee print
Signed

The Story:

True story, many times over.

How long has it taken to define and speak about all of the ways that seggsual coercion occurs and call it seggsual assault?

How many times have I said ‘yes’ just to get it over with, get out, and/or get to safety? Too many times to count.

Like the time a guy I was casually seeing came to my place and got annoyed with me for being exhausted (pre-MS diagnosis, but mere months at best) and sulked about it, saying ‘the least you could do is give me head’. I chose to lay on my back and disassociate because it’d be less work and then he’d leave.

Or the time a guy spent three hours trying to convince me to f*ck him just this one time and did so while staying between me and the door, making me feel like the only way I’d get out was if I acquiesced. So I did. I made a grocery list in my head and meal planned until it was done.

Or the time a guy who was ‘a friend’ said I could sleep at his place when it was too late to walk home, and then told me it would be fine if I slept in his bed, and I woke up to him getting into bed with me. Like I owed him something. I thought we were friends.

I could go on and on. But know that the ways we disassociate and compartmentalize are myriad. Just get it over with. You’re not special and this will never happen again. You’ll never see me again. I’ll never answer your call, or email, it’s done.

Coercion crosses a boundary and is never truly consent. If you have to argue, convince or plead your case, the answer was no. And a yes after that is never happily given.